Day 50

How sad.

How sad is it when someone experiences happiness and joy but is forced to tone it down to prepare for disappointment. How upsetting when your past of pain prevents you from fully taking in new pleasures for yourself.

Why do we let our past affect us so much? Could we be learning from our mistakes? Or are we using experiences as an excuse to build a wall and shut things out? How do we know when it’s okay to enjoy something and not be afraid of what the consequences of it will be later?

These roses were given to me today because I’m sick, and I adore both them and the person who gave them to me. Yet a part of me is too afraid to enjoy too much, not necessarily because I don’t deserve it, but that happiness can be easily taken away. I want to enjoy this. I want to enjoy everything. I want to see where life will take me. Why am I so afraid? Why do we do this to ourselves?

Perhaps everything is a journey, therefore, we must take risks and give in to the fear and unknown. Sometimes it’s okay to be happy and joyful. Sometimes there’s no repercussions, or disappointments, sometimes it’s all in your head. Enjoy life. Enjoy laughing, playing, and most of all – loving. Enjoy yourself. 

Thank you for the flowers, they mean a lot. ❤

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